While we do have a pretty decent Family Leave act that offers a tiny bit of protection to working mothers, allowing them a couple of weeks off if they have a baby, it isn’t really a humane amount of time and it doesn’t even bother including normal sickness at all. How many people do you know who show up to your office, sick as a dog, blowing their snot all over the place and coughing into the coffee pot, because they can’t afford to miss work because they’re sick? And we all know what happens next. The rest of us all get the same miserable cold and the whole business suffers. It’s counterproductive and inhumane. And the piles of used tissues are gross.
Since the bosses will only give some of us some sick days, we need a law to make sure that we all get sick days to protect ourselves from infectious diseases entering the workplace from those who don’t have them. We need sick days because everybody needs a day off every now and then. We need them just from the stress of dealing these modern jobs that involve computers crashing, software upgrading, and technology always advancing. The stress of technology needs to be addressed by sick days for anyone who has to deal with a stupid computer ruining his life. And why? so that the IT department can protect their jobs by driving us crazy and then swooping in to save us from the problems they created in their obsession with constantly changing technology.
With a guaranteed amount of sick days for every member of the paycheck party you will be able to go buy a burger without worrying that the guy who flipped it for you might give you a disease. And they should accumulate year after year to reward the healthy and to give us plenty of days for those inevitable medical emergencies that tend to arise in our later years.
Once sick days worked much like the paycheck party is proposing here. If you ask your parents, or someone who works at a place that hasn’t quite switched over to the new, more efficient way of everyone working all the time no matter what, they will tell you. Of course, they’ll also tell you how afraid they are to actually take a sick day, too.
Many of us will wonder how on earth the poor bosses will cope if half of us are home in bed watching re-runs and soaps whenever we have a cold. Obviously, the bosses will have to staff up, which is always a sweet place to be if you’re in the paycheck party, because staffing up means salaries go up, too. All of the ideas of the paycheck party should be about figuring out how to make the bosses’ lives more difficult for them. Believe me, they can afford to hire the best minds in our country to figure out a way to cope with this, but in the end, it’s all going to boil down to one simple fact: They’re going to have to make less money and spend a lot more or else they will have nothing. And that will never happen. The bosses will never quit making money off us, no matter how hard we can make it for them, or else they’ll have no way to make money at all. Because he bosses would be strictly worthless as members of the paycheck party.